4 May 2009 Forgiveness

Recommended Book. Barney Coombs. Dealing With What Life Throws At You. (Sov. World.)

Scriptures. Matthew 6 : 12 and 14-15.
Matt 18 : 21-35. The parable of the unforgiving servant.
Colossians 3 : 13. Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may
have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.
“The greatest power in the world.” Or “ The hardest thing to do.” (Corrie Ten Boon story.)
“Forgiveness from the heart is very difficult. It is next to impossible. I have often said “I forgive you” but even as I said these words my heart remained angry or resentful. I still wanted to hear the story that tells me that I was in the right after all; I still wanted the satisfaction of receiving some praise in return – if only the praise for being so forgiving.” H Nouwen. Prodigal Son p129.

General Points.
a. Life is full of hurts and opportunities for us to get offended.-
Betrayal, gossip, being stabbed in the back, lied about, passed over, rejected, put down.
b. Some people have experienced far deeper hurts than I ever have.
c. We are very sensitive to rejection and put-downs and we can see them when they are not there! We can get hurt when no hurt was intended.
d. Sometimes it is our pride that has been hurt. Our bubble of self importance has been burst and we feel the pain. Perhaps God is speaking to us.

The Signs of Unforgiveness.

a. Playing the tape over and over.
b. Talking about what/who hurt you a lot. Murmuring. Bad mouthing the person.
c. Fantasizing about “payback.” Planning things you could say or do.
d. Pointing the finger. You become very critical of the person who hurt you. They grow horns. You may dehumanize them – give them a “special” name.
e. Avoidance.

The Effects of Unforgiveness.

a. You hold a grudge against the person. You become chained to them. (Picture 1)
b. Bitterness and resentment take hold of you. (God turns you over to these jailers.)
You develop an abcess full of poison, pain and pus.
The flow of God’s peace and love in you dries up.
c. You become self righteous.
“I’m right and they are wrong. I’m just waiting for them to apologize.”
d. You develop sore points.
e. You withdraw fearing further hurts. You live behind walls. You build your own prison.

How Has The Lord Forgiven You?

Psalm 103 : 9-14. Really. Fully. Often. God’s forgiveness is free – but costly. The cross.
However, there is a condition. We ourselves have control of the stopcock which releases God’s forgiveness into our lives. Matthew 6 : 14-15.

What Forgiveness Is Not.
a. Forgiveness is not saying the offence didn’t hurt or that it doesn’t matter.
b. Forgiveness is not a feeling – it is a choice. Feelings follow the will.
c. Forgiveness is not reconciliation. It can be a step towards this but for reconciliation to take place there must be repentance.
d. Forgiveness does not mean that you have to trust the person who hurt you.

What Forgiveness Is.
Literal meaning – “To let go and send away.” (Picture 2)
a. Giving free pardon for a hurt.
b. Giving up all claim for compensation.
c. Ceasing to feel resentment.
d. Releasing the hurt and the person who has hurt you to God. (Picture 3 )

“God’s forgiveness - - calls me to keep stepping over all my arguments that say that forgiveness is unwise, unhealthy and impractical. It challenges me to step over all my needs for gratitude and compliments. Finally it demands of me that I step over that wounded part of my soul that feels hurt and wronged and that wants to stay in control and put a few conditions between me and the one who I am asked to forgive. This “stepping over” is the authentic discipline of forgiveness. Maybe it is more “climbing over” than “stepping over.” Often I have to climb over the wall of arguments and angry feelings that I have erected. It is a wall of fear of being used or hurt again. It is a wall of pride and the desire to stay in control. But every time that I step or climb over that wall, I enter into the house where the Father dwells and there touch my neighbour with genuine compassionate love.” Henri Nouwen p129

Why Forgive?
a. For the sake of God.
“Your neighbour is not so bad in offending you as you are in not forgiving him. Your neighbour, in offending you, but trespasses against a man, but you, refusing to forgive him, trespass against God.” Thomas Watson. The Beatitudes, p 112.
b. For the sake of yourself – to free yourself.
Forgive even if the person who has hurt you doesn’t apologize. Perhaps they don’t know they have hurt you. Perhaps you need to speak to them. Perhaps they don’t need to know.
c. For the sake of the body. Unforgiveness blocks the free flow of the Holy Spirit in
individuals and in communities. We have a responsibility to the body we are part of.
God wants to open up a well of his Holy Spirit through Kings Church Perth. Boulders!
d. For the sake of the lost. Our witness and effectiveness is affected by unforgiveness.

Final Points.

a. Forgiveness can be very hard. We need God’s help. Ask for it.
b. Forgiveness can be a process. Take small steps in the right direction.
c. See the person who hurt you through the eyes of grace. What evidence of the grace and work of God can you see in their life?
d. Pray for those who have hurt you. God will change your heart as you do this.
e. If you know you have hurt somebody, do apologize. This releases them to forgive you.
f. It may or may not be right to speak to the person who has hurt you. If the person does not know that they have hurt you, you can give them a huge problem.
g. You may need to put Matthew 18 : 15-17 into practice.
Ask the Lord what he wants you to do. Robert Duncan 30 4 09.

Robert Duncan, 05/05/2009